The Collector (2009)
The Collector: Consider Me Collected | 2.5/5
Written by Noah Dietz: 3/22/2025
There are very few times that I feel “so bad it’s good” is a worthwhile statement. Usually reserved for films that are only funny when you’re high and not full paying attention or, respectfully, people who don’t care to think about what they watch too deeply. That being said, I think this film is one of the most perfect 5/10 experiences of my life.
The premise of The Collector is simple. There’s some weirdo out there, and he collects people. After an opening where we see this in action, we switch to our focal character Arkin (Josh Stewart) who is installing a security system in a wealthy family’s house. His wife owes a lot of money to some bad people, and his job is to help rob the house to get enough to let her off the hook. While he gets into the house with little enough trouble, it’s like a switch flipped once he’s found the safe he’s here to crack. The entire house is suddenly covered in booby traps from top to bottom, each more insane than the last.
I can’t convey how enjoyable this is without simply showing the scenes to you outright. This was originally being shopped around as a Saw prequel film, showing how John Kramer became who he was. For obvious reasons to any who have seen it, this didn’t come to fruition. It doesn’t have the spirit of a Saw film at all, outside of the concept of traps. While this could have been an intentional adjustment made when it no longer was a Saw prequel, the balance of it is incredibly different. We get an incredibly distilled whirlwind of kill rooms and traps that boggle the mind. You want a knife chandelier? You’ve got it. You want a room that’s just a giant glue trap that’s also acid goo? You can have that too. What’s that? A room full of bear traps? I suppose we can do that, but only if you let me install a guillotine in the upstairs window.
It’s not often that you find stuff like this that elicits pure joy in me in the way watching The Collector somehow did. A faceless antagonist, an amazingly emotionless protagonist, a topless strip club because it was 2009, and (I cannot stress this enough) a chandelier full of knives. This is the epitome of the 00s, drenched in low exposure film grain and an abundance of green light with a misguided mean streak you can’t beat. A great time from start to finish, and honestly a must see for fans of just having a ball at the movies with their friends.